Lesson

by Merival

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1.
Miles 02:32
once I tried to calculate the length of every step I'd took to date never could I truly see miles never had the heart of me miles never had that part of me I could never bear that cross to be out across an endless stream echoes of a long forgotten dream most of us have paid a price running on the fuel of bad advice taken from a soul in constant vice skating out upon thin ice in my sleep I see it still something in the form of heavenly ill I could die a thousand times only to arise inside my mind only to behold the ties that bind only waking cold and blessedly blind
2.
Sinner 03:23
if I knew you I’d make you the best thing I can with my hands if I knew you I’d write you a song with fewer words and if I was alone, if I was free, I’d give you the time that I have but I’ll leave it and leave it and leave it and I’ll see you around sometime will you know that there’s something on my side? I need you to know but I can’t say I’ve settled with someone above me and god damn I’m trying to be good the love that I thought I would never deserve cause I’m too difficult he knows I have problems and I can’t sit still without crashing and burning and crying and turning our world upside down cause I’m scared, I’m so scared so I’m sitting here thinking about you and I feel like a sinner cause I love what I have but I want it all in my greed and my childishness and he’ll stick by me but I’ll hurt him and I’ll hold both my hands to his chest and I won’t let you know, I’ll be safe and go home and I won’t lose a thing and I’ll sleep without dreams he will cry in the night, we’ll let time make it right and we’ll go on, we’ll go on
3.
there is a way to cope, and I might’ve found it but then again, I don’t know he does his best to keep me on the straight and narrow so I back down I could be planting a garden everyone knows that touching the dirt is good for your soul there is a way to do all the things you thought you couldn’t in real time such an accomplishment to use my own burnt senses to get me out of my mind sometimes if I am constantly changing something must be held immeasurable if I’m still myself give me some time to go forward nothing is done in the time we allow we think that we have everything figured out til we wake up and all is erased rebuild, rebuild, rebuild, rebuild again again
4.
I With Mine 02:49
maybe it's nothing or maybe I'll be dealing with this til I am 50 and there's nothing left I've never lost it the question's always gonna be how high can I fall from this time? we're in separate circles well I think of you all the time do I lie to myself like you lied to me? we always required some suspension of disbelief I thought I'd healed, thought I'd left you you with you sicknesses and I I with mine I know it's over I know that you don't think of me til I am unsure and you rear your head in dreams is nothing as it seems?
5.
No Brakes 02:04
I’d like to be myself again even if it means going through with you and if the old wounds open up maybe I could get just a little more blood maybe I should be a little more careful what I wish for maybe I should be a little less careless with my thoughts I’d like to be myself again every empty promise will rest as it should and I’ll fall back and feel the way everybody always said I would once in a lifetime a girl is supposed to feel blessed maybe I’ve had mine, and all that has been will change I’d like to be myself again even if it means pulling up stakes I’d like to be myself again even if it means having no brakes
6.
Novel 03:50
somedays I can see a path straight out of a novel I can memorize, can read between the lines and how they stay, organized and ready one night, your face was framed in wood I loved you more than any other time before any frantic guessing of what lay ahead was laid to rest I held my breath nothing ventured, nothing gained I thought I’d be harder to pull into a fairytale like this I’ll eat my words if you come hold me closer
7.
when can we talk to ourselves? how will we know? when can we learn to be whole, beside the others when can I be with myself? is it so hard to see by the stars and to feel nobody’s watching nobody’s watching at all nothing is done til it’s done I’ve broken my nails and I’ve purchased no ground and it’s fair change on your own time! doubling back, I can see again and again and as clear as the water I swore we’d swim together round and around goes my mind when will the lights go out? so I know I am good enough again
8.
I am not afraid for a moment what is there to be worried about? if you don’t love me, darling my heart will not stop for you kinda like the wind keeps blowing even when the puddle’s dry inevitable moment forward thinking what it might mean to die I’ve held you for years of hours I won’t let go til I’m made to we’ll find some way together it seems there’s not much else to do

credits

released June 21, 2019

all songs written by Anna Horvath
engineered and produced by Sam Gleason
mastered by Heather Kirby

Anna Horvath - vocals, guitar, piano, peppercorns
Sam Gleason - electric guitar, synth, bass on 3, 7
Evan Cartwright - drums on 2, 3, 5, 7, 8
Alan Mackie - bass on 2, 5
Anna Wiebe - background vocals on 7

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Merival Toronto, Ontario

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