1. |
Miles
02:32
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once I tried to calculate
the length of every step I'd took to date
never could I truly see
miles never had the heart of me
miles never had that part of me
I could never bear that cross to be
out across an endless stream
echoes of a long forgotten dream
most of us have paid a price
running on the fuel of bad advice
taken from a soul in constant vice
skating out upon thin ice
in my sleep I see it still
something in the form of heavenly ill
I could die a thousand times
only to arise inside my mind
only to behold the ties that bind
only waking cold and blessedly blind
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2. |
Sinner
03:23
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if I knew you I’d make you the best thing I can with my hands
if I knew you I’d write you a song with fewer words
and if I was alone, if I was free, I’d give you the time that I have
but I’ll leave it and leave it and leave it
and I’ll see you around sometime
will you know that there’s something on my side?
I need you to know but I can’t say
I’ve settled with someone above me and god damn I’m trying to be good
the love that I thought I would never deserve
cause I’m too difficult
he knows I have problems and I can’t sit still without
crashing and burning
and crying and turning our world upside down
cause I’m scared, I’m so scared
so I’m sitting here thinking about you
and I feel like a sinner
cause I love what I have but I want it all
in my greed and my childishness
and he’ll stick by me but I’ll hurt him
and I’ll hold both my hands to his chest
and I won’t let you know, I’ll be safe and go home
and I won’t lose a thing and I’ll sleep without dreams
he will cry in the night, we’ll let time make it right
and we’ll go on,
we’ll go on
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3. |
Planting A Garden
03:00
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there is a way to cope, and I might’ve found it
but then again, I don’t know
he does his best to keep me on the straight and narrow
so I back down
I could be planting a garden
everyone knows that touching the dirt
is good for your soul
there is a way to do all the things you thought you couldn’t
in real time
such an accomplishment to use my own burnt senses
to get me out of my mind
sometimes
if I am constantly changing
something must be held immeasurable if I’m still myself
give me some time to go forward
nothing is done in the time we allow
we think that we have everything figured out
til we wake up and all is erased
rebuild, rebuild, rebuild, rebuild again
again
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4. |
I With Mine
02:49
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maybe it's nothing
or maybe I'll be dealing with this
til I am 50
and there's nothing left
I've never lost it
the question's always gonna be how high can I fall from this time?
we're in separate circles
well I think of you all the time
do I lie to myself like you lied to me?
we always required some suspension of disbelief
I thought I'd healed, thought I'd left you
you with you sicknesses and I
I with mine
I know it's over
I know that you don't think of me
til I am unsure
and you rear your head in dreams
is nothing as it seems?
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5. |
No Brakes
02:04
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I’d like to be myself again
even if it means going through with you
and if the old wounds open up
maybe I could get just a little more blood
maybe I should be a little more careful what I wish for
maybe I should be a little less careless with my thoughts
I’d like to be myself again
every empty promise will rest as it should
and I’ll fall back and feel the way
everybody always said I would
once in a lifetime
a girl is supposed to feel blessed
maybe I’ve had mine, and all that has been will change
I’d like to be myself again
even if it means pulling up stakes
I’d like to be myself again
even if it means having no brakes
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6. |
Novel
03:50
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somedays I can see a path
straight out of a novel
I can memorize, can read between the lines
and how they stay, organized and ready
one night, your face
was framed in wood
I loved you more than any other time before
any frantic guessing of what lay ahead
was laid to rest
I held my breath
nothing ventured, nothing gained
I thought I’d be harder to pull into a fairytale like this
I’ll eat my words
if you come hold me closer
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7. |
Good Enough Again
02:32
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when can we talk to ourselves?
how will we know?
when can we learn to be whole, beside the others
when can I be with myself?
is it so hard to see by the stars and to feel
nobody’s watching
nobody’s watching at all
nothing is done til it’s done
I’ve broken my nails and I’ve purchased no ground and it’s fair
change on your own time!
doubling back, I can see
again and again and as clear as the water I swore we’d swim together
round and around goes my mind
when will the lights go out?
so I know I am
good enough again
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8. |
Kind Of Like The Wind
03:04
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I am not afraid for a moment
what is there to be worried about?
if you don’t love me, darling
my heart will not stop for you
kinda like the wind keeps blowing
even when the puddle’s dry
inevitable moment forward
thinking what it might mean to die
I’ve held you for years of hours
I won’t let go til I’m made to
we’ll find some way together
it seems there’s not much else to do
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Merival Toronto, Ontario
mystical dirtbag
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